Your work sheds lights on the parts of the human psyche that most of us are resisting to face: loneliness, longing for connection, safe expression of desire, and and the same time fear of intimacy. Have you been able to overcome any of the psychological challenges that you’re portraying in your work or are you still in the process of figuring things out?
The issues addressed in my work still exist in my life. From my recent “relationship”, which is the main inspiration for the project “How connected can we be”, I began to realise even further that the key reason for my desire and failure of connection is that I am not in full control of my existence and that I rely on the “other” to feel myself. To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to dominate over my own existence, but I am trying to let things be and accept the situation where I am not in control instead of trying to find an answer or definition of everything. It is extremely difficult but it still makes my life easier than holding expectations.
Speaking a bit more about the internal emptiness, or the presence of absence that is acutely visible in your video installation “How connected can we be”; what do you think is the reason for this existential emptiness for people in China in particular?
I am not sure if I can speak for people in China because it is based on my own experience. But as a Chinese growing up in China, I think living in a society that is focusing on rapid economic development, individuals’ emotional expression can be limited, which can lead to mental disconnection from their living environment. It seems to me that most Chinese people care more about their money than they do about their emotions, dreams and mental health in general; Needless to say, existential rumination is not their priority. Therefore, some Chinese who do think about self-existence may feel that it is hard to find someone to relate to, which often causes them to feel off the track of “normal” life.
You are being very honest about the fact that you take pleasure in short-term relationships, and that you hardly ever felt truly connected to anyone. Could you define your idea of the connection? And what are the red flags that are marking the lack of it?
To me, the connection is a sense of unity, completeness and belonging. It’s a state where I’m present and not longing for anyone or anything else. It’s when I’m able to feel my personal existence through “other”. My lack of connection usually comes from the absence of a desire for emotional communication with others. And I’ve stopped thinking about emotions or feelings by default when I get along with people. Sometimes it’s the feeling of not getting along and thinking that no one cares about me, or having the conflict of my physical presence and emotional absence.
Right, you mentioned that you try to come across as emotionally unavailable to avoid potential pain. However, from an artistic perspective, you are actually being very open and vulnerable. Could you say that through your art practice you’re trying to gain more courage in exposing your sensitivity?
Yes, sometimes I try to seem emotionally unavailable. It’s like I warn myself in advance not to fall for anyone or expose myself completely. I don’t really think I can become completely emotionally unavailable in my heart because I’m still open to the possibility of an emotional connection. I’m not sure if I can gain courage through my work but it’s a need for self-expression. And I hope my work will give comfort to viewers who resonate with it.
In your work “Emotionally Unavailable” you portray the flatness and yet temporary comport of the no-strings-attached sex. In your opinion, what other purposes can sex serve besides temporary comfort, if any?
Casual sex makes me feel like I exist at the moment by knowing that I’m wanted physically. I’m not sure if it brings anything else to me. Despite that, I actually care more about the “connection” rather than the physical comfort of sex. I believe that having sex while bonding emotionally is true closeness.
Hypersensium Art Platform